• Tori Owens

Part I: Journey To Nappily Ever After

Part I: Journey To Nappily Ever After It wasn’t until my heart was truly broken into a million pieces, coupled with carrying my daughter that I became Nappily Ever After. What is Nappily Ever After ? I’ll tell you. Sanaa Lathan starred in an original Netflix film titled Nappily Ever After that centers around a woman on a deep self exploration journey beginning with a hair makeover. It gets deeper than hair to say the least. When she realizes her Prince Charming only sees her for her self-proclaimed perfection, she was forced to take a look in the mirror like she never had before. This was me. All my life I had been subjected to standards of beauty. Before the cultural shift of natural acceptance in the black community, you had to be thin, light skin , straight hair, and a tight ass to be considered beautiful. I was the opposite of all those things growing up. So of course my immaturity and inability to adhere to self love, I conformed. I didn’t realize at the time that this had a huge impact on my mental. I was always worried about what others had to say about me. If they liked me. If I was cool enough. Was I pretty enough ? Therefore , hindering my power to jump into my own self. Fast forward to age 26. I’m pregnant with my rainbow baby. (In case you’re wondering what that is, it’s a child born after a miscarriage.) I had these ugly thoughts about what I would do or how I would feel if my child wasn’t born perfect enough for the world to accept. Oh how naive of me. To make matters worse , my child’s father was having an affair with a woman throughout my entire pregnancy. She was unattractive , the body of a football player , wore those $29.99 wigs, financially unstable and married with four children. That’s what I thought of her at the time. Yet, that’s who he chose to have an affair with. Yet, I stayed. There was a silver lining in this situation. While he was occupied with his affair , it gave me time to look at my own self in the mirror and reevaluate my happiness. Pregnancy produced solitude, and in that moment is when I unknowingly started my self-exploration journey. When you’re pregnant, you can’t indulge in things that are a distraction. No partying , no alcohol , just complete and utter solitude. Oh and that small waist we obsess over ? Gone. So no time to focus on what my body looks like. The only goal here is to focus on staying healthy and happy for my unborn child. I stopped getting perms on my hair, took time to find out things I liked, things that made me happy and birthed an outlet in the process. Can you guess what that outlet was ? You’re reading it ! I guess we can all thank the man of the hour for breaking this little heart of mine right ? Let’s revisit the main subject though. When I stopped putting perms on my hair, I didn’t immediately fall in love with it. Therefore , I opted out of “the big chop” and kept a protective style until it reached a length I was happy with. When I was asked why I never wear my hair out, I always replied “Because I don’t know what to do with it…” The guy I was dating at the time had this weird obsession to making me step out of my comfort zone. Oh, how grateful I was for it. So, one day I said...fuck it ! Literally ! I took the weave out and was overwhelmed with the amount of feedback on how gorgeous everyone felt my hair was ! None of these people know how much they impacted my life. I gained the courage to own my hair. Own my happiness. Additionally, it gave me the courage to dive into my self-exploration journey head first. I was now excited to see what was on the other side of being happy with who you are. Not to mention, I had a lot more money in pocket since I started embracing my natural hair. This was only the start of exploring who I was and who I’m becoming. It gets way deeper than hair. So if you’re eager to embark on you’re own self exploration journey, buckle up your seat belt and tune into Part II of this series next week ! With love, Tori xoxo

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